Monday, March 29, 2010

One November

empty, 2010

I did not like Paris,
my dreams had spiraled for too long.
They had grown grand and incomplete,
like La Sagrada Família.

Bayonne and Biarritz,
they were more to my liking.
Empty and cold.
Rats in restaurants.
Phone booths and rain.

And the trees of Saint-Jean-de-Luz
,
their limbs made me sad.

I was still a spy.
He, a gambler.
Our books were so heavy,
we gave up our clothes.

I bought a cream puff
and carried it for miles,
secure in its small white box.

Wanting it desperately,
till I could wait no more.

Friday, March 26, 2010

It's all I've got.

smile now, 2009

Do you ever feel like that nasty little Cheetos character?

Blah blah blah...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

essential (noun)

wheat flour, water, salt., 2010

They walked up the road together to the old man's shack and went in through its open door. The old man leaned the mast with its wrapped sail against the wall and the boy put the box and the other gear beside it. The mast was nearly as long as the one room of the shack. The shack was made of the tough budshields of the royal palm which are called guano and in it there was a bed, a table, one chair, and a place on the dirt floor to cook with charcoal. On the brown walls of the flattened, overlapping leaves of the sturdy fibered guano there was a picture in color of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and another of the Virgin of Cobre. These were relics of his wife. Once there had been a tinted photograph of his wife on the wall but he had taken it down because it made him too lonely to see it and it was on the shelf in the corner under his clean shirt.

Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea

Do you ever think about what you would own if you kept only your essentials? Only the basic, indispensable, and necessary elements of your life? It is something I think of often.

I'm not a very religious person, but I once spent several days in an Italian monastery. I traveled alone. My spare room housed a single bed, writing desk, and one window looking out onto a courtyard. The courtyard was a clean open space with a few large terracotta flower pots. I believe those pots held red geraniums. It was one of the most beautiful spaces I've spent time.

Days were quiet. While I was there I only met three English speaking individuals, one nun and two retired physics professors. It did not matter. This was not a place for idle chatter. It was a place for contemplation. The monastery was located in the mountains and I hiked every day. What to eat? never crossed my mind. Our two meals per day were served in a large dining hall during set times and we were not involved in menu planning.

Each morning a staff member would circulate around the breakfast tables with one pitcher of hot coffee and and another with rich steamed milk. We drank red wine with dinner each evening. For dessert we passed bowls of fresh whole fruit.

Following dinner, most of us leisurely strolled the grounds before contentedly retiring to our rooms. After 9:00 pm we were to remain in our rooms, respectfully quiet.

The monastery had a small shop that sold postcards, rosaries, and locally made hazelnut chocolate bars, you know, the essentials. I treasured each night, sitting propped up in bed reading, writing postcards, and eating chocolate, taking breaks every so often to look up from my book and appreciate the moment.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Almost Night

Home, 2006

I drank juice from a plastic apple,
They once were glass.
As I looked out at a blue-orange cellophane sky.
A tiny sliver of moon,
Resting,
As if cradled in an arm.
One glamorous streetlight.

As I turned,
The other sky arrived.
A deep purple.
Tiny lights dotting the bridge.
The illuminated arches of the tower.
The air clean and still.

And I thought,
This is where I live.
This is home.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Actually, it was closer to 1:00.

Priorities, 2009

Today a friend suggested an impromptu walk on the beach. I was just about to go off on my own, so I figured why not? Soon we were off. She drove the winding scenic route, showcasing the beauty of our sweet little city. We arrived at a long stretch of beach, so long the end was not in sight. The water was glistening spectacular and the birds were out in full force. Even the sand was putting on a show, seemingly saturated with streaks of midnight blue and sprinkled with the dust of stars. We strolled for a long while, dodging the taunting tide every now and again. We talked of so many things and each of us strongly supported the endeavors of the other. It was a fortifying walk.

Later I read this poem and thought of us, out on our sandy beach, words so urgently passing between us.

A memory only we will keep.

Two butterflies went out at Noon
by Emily Dickinson

Two butterflies went out at Noon --
And waltzed upon a Farm --
Then stepped straight through the Firmament
And rested, on a Beam --

And then -- together bore away
Upon a shining Sea --
Though never yet, in any Port --
Their coming, mentioned -- be --

If spoken by the distant Bird --
If met in Ether Sea
By Frigate, or by Merchantman --
No notice -- was -- to me --

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Too many branches?

The calm after Cartola, 2010

Do you follow your comments or do you set those thoughts free and let them go on with their own lives without returning to check up on them? When you write a comment, do you subscribe or return to see if the blog author has responded to you? It is clearly a lot to juggle, for everyone involved.

Subscribing to a long list of blogs is akin to being one of those circus performers with the plates spinning atop poles. Some performers are more skilled than others, but at some point it is just too many plates, for any human being.

I am intrigued by many blog writers and gain heaps of inspiration by reading what they have taken the time to write, but as the number of good writers grows, it seems my capacity for any sort of ongoing conversation ceases to scale (healthily).

Many of these intriguing and inspirational blogs mention shops, restaurants, architects, designers, books, other blogs, music, films, videos, recipes, gallery exhibitions, artists, etc. that lead me to new tiny yet interesting branches that lead to other tiny branches and others and others. In addition, I'll often leave comments and subscribe to posts, and, well, I end up in a thick wood, branches everywhere. Scary branches surrounding me, Fighting Trees style, like those guarding the entry to the forest in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Too many branches, way too many branches.

Truthfully, I really do not like occupying my time or yours with such mundane thoughts. Part of me is thinking blah blah blah, let's talk about something a little more noteworthy. I'd like to get back to observing more gratifying items, writing, photographing--leaving you all with something more substantial.

But we really should go outside and feel the sunshine on our faces every now and again. So, what should we do? Should we come to terms with the fact that there are just too many conversations taking place at once? Is it more practical to have brief interactions?

author writes post > reader reads post
and writes comment > author reads comment > the end

As I consider all of the above and regroup, your answer to the following question will be very helpful to me.

When I respond to your comment with another comment is it just too much...unrealistic...not enough hours in a day...too many branches to follow?


Thank you for reading. Thank you for your time and patience.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Drift, Clay, and Bean

from bottom to top: Drift, Clay, and Bean

I just completed these organic cotton washcloths. Each is a different stitch pattern and color, my own designs. They are incredibly soft. I love the use of the word whilst in the yarn tag care instructions:
Machine washable.
Dry flat. Wash dark
colours separately.
Reshape whilst wet.

Monday, March 1, 2010

17. Omit needless words.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Waking Hours

From the Ferryboat, 2010

I'm not awake.
I know I'm not awake.

She turned over slowly. All that was left was his pillow. The room was dark and a thin sliver of light was winking beneath the door. He was awake, before daylight, again. This had become a ritual.

Is it morning she thought. She pulled on a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and cardigan and moved toward the dining room, grudgingly, her stocking feet sliding lazily across the wood floor.

There he was, in his pajamas, his face set aglow by the light of his laptop screen. His eyes were wide and he typed furiously.

Hi.

Hi.

When are you leaving,
she began in a sleepy voice. Do you want me to walk downtown with you?

Soon. I can't sleep and I have a lot to do. You don't have to wake up.


It's okay.

All too soon he was walking away. She wasn't familiar with this part of the city, but found a place that looked interesting enough. After a cappuccino and a slice of panetonne, she pondered her options. Back to the apartment? Back to bed? Wander? Yes, wander, I guess.

She exited the cafe. Alone again, the sky heavy and seeping rain, her umbrella stuck. A few nudges of the small lever and it finally popped open. The street was quiet and the shop and restaurant windows were all dark. Her eyes lit up when she spotted the museum, but it was closed. Then a green sign came into view. It had bold white lettering that read FERRY underscored with a bold white arrow.

She followed, all the while thinking maybe I should just go back to the apartment. My pant legs are rather wet. It's February and I'm cold. Her feet continued in the direction of the bold white arrow, as if led by remote control, across the desolate street, up the empty stairs, over the bridge, and into a quiet terminal.

There were a few people sleeping on benches and a couple of men working behind a ticket window. It didn't seem any action would be taking place in the near future, but then she noticed there was a ferry leaving in ten minutes. She approached the window and stumbled Um...hi...if I take the next ferry, will it take me to the type of place where I can walk around a bit, on a Main Street of sorts, maybe find a cafe, and then take another ferry back to this terminal? He answered affirmatively, in a you-can-do-whatever-you-want-lady manner. Okay, one round-trip ticket please.

A few minutes later she was boarding a giant, and practically empty ferryboat. She sat down, alone, on a long pale bench and looked deep into the cavernous interior. The next passenger sat a distant seven or eight rows away. She was surprised this beast of a boat traveled with so few passengers. This was a fairly ridiculous day for an island stroll, but she admired the dependable ferryboat company for sticking to their set schedule.

She removed her jacket and rested it and her tote beside her. Feeling fidgety, she sought comfort in her book. She removed it from her tote and opened it to the page where her bookmark rested. She looked down, absently, at the page partially obstructed by her bookmark, not reading a word.

The view out the window was more interesting. She closed her book and gazed out at the ash colored sky and water, her head tilted lazily to the right. It was magnificent. The boat vibrated and hummed beneath her as it glided across the bay.

She laughed to herself thinking I feel like I'm in a movie. She was the drab character beginning what would be a fantastic journey that would change her life. This was one of those moments that refused conjuring or fair warning. She smiled and watched the boat cut through the grey waves. Always be ready she thought.

And then they landed.

She exited the ferry, her umbrella popping without argument this time. A heavier rain and a larger sign. DOWNTOWN, underscored with a bold white arrow. She followed, only looking out from beneath her umbrella to observe a traffic light. The movie feeling was fading and her wet pant legs were beginning to adhere to her legs. She crossed the intersection and saw what appeared to be the beginning of Main Street. Finally.

Entering the book shop, she wound the strap around her small dripping umbrella. She was the only customer in the shop and moved through every display slowly and methodically, reading staff reviews, picking up book after book and reading about the authors, studying their photographs, and spending perhaps too long with a book of Russian poetry.

The shop felt as if it had been drawn around her. It suited her perfectly. She decided on a used book. The way the woman at the counter paused and lovingly ran her hand over the cover left her wondering if these were waking hours. The woman, lost in a daydream and looking toward the front window, punched the keys of the old cash register and languorously said A perfect day for soup at the pub.

Yes,
she agreed while drawing the necessary bills from her wallet. How do I get there?

Around the corner, down the hill, past the ivy-covered cafe, and through the parking lot.
The actual name of the establishment escaped her. She left her with you'll know and she was right.

She entered a small warm room with a fire place, wood plank floors, and windows through which the mind could slip. Split pea with ham, a chunk of bread, and a pint followed.

The rain continued as she left the pub and walked around to the pier. She walked out along the planks, stopped about midway, and looked down over the railing into the crystal clear water. There were scattered starfish lounging about in the strangest positions, their bodies a vibrant orange. She stood there for a long time, her umbrella perched over her head, watching the scene as raindrops dented the surface of the water.

On her return to the boat the sun emerged, heavy, low, and beaming. She returned to her pale bench and familiar tilt of head. She revisited her bookmark and then tucked it away, again.

The sun reflecting off the light chop on the bay combined with the new warmth sent her mind adrift. She envisioned the boat traveling along a wide semicircular arc back toward the island. She knew she'd be able to sleep there. Time passed slowly, or so it seemed.

And then they landed.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Gumball and the Garden Hose

Maybe I Was Too Close, February 2010

February 18, 2010
This just isn't working for me. I'm making some changes.

Jimo

A smile.
A nod.
Today a wave.

I know you, he says.
From the corner.

You don’t,
But I won’t
Tell.

I'll smile and agree,
Like a politician.

You remind me of him.
And for you,
The truth will bend.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Saturday, by myself.

Coconut Bread w/ Slivered Almonds + Chocolate Chunks, February 2010

It was a beautiful, slow moving, and contemplative day. The type of day where you find yourself noticing the objects on your kitchen counter and recalling the origin of each piece.

I'd happened upon this recipe three times. It could wait no longer.

Preparation is truly stress free. From corralling the ingredients to folding in the melted butter, it was a complete pleasure.

Try it, on a day when you are far from hurried. Add slivered almonds and chunks of chocolate.

Eat your first slice while it is still warm. Preferably while you are alone, and gazing out a window.

Share the rest.

Kitchen Counter Objects, February 2010

Saturday, by myself. February 2010

Cucina Nicolina
Seven Spoons
The Wednesday Chef

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Shoot to kill.

Christoper Blossoms
Valentine's Week 2010

I was locked out of the house. I do not recall how this happened. I don't know why my sister wasn't with me. It was long ago and some fragments of detail have broken free from this memory. I do know that I was 16. Also, very important at the time, I owned a white bikini. I loved that white bikini.

We lived in the desert, just outside of Apache Junction. Our property bordered the Tonto National Forest. We were at the foot of the Superstition Mountains. The Lost Dutchman's Gold Mine was buried up there somewhere. The story of the Lost Dutchman was usually referenced in a comical sort of way, but I'd never been quick to dismiss such things. I was optimistic, but still unsure.

After living most of my life in Chicago, this was Wild West territory, for me. Mom had gone to Dallas. Dad grew a beard, shot rattle snakes, and decided to build his own house. When we were left at home alone, I was instructed to shoot to kill anyone daring to set foot on our property and come near my sister and me. I would always nod in agreement, but had secretly decided if such a situation occurred I'd go for the intruder's knees.

My English teacher was discussing poetry and she had my ear. We were experimenting with various forms and she responded to my work in a way that made me feel I had promise. I really needed that at the time. I think she knew. I'll never forget her.

I was a difficult student to engage. Fickle would be a generous description. But this felt different. It was as if the subject had been created for me. It didn't feel like work at all.

I daydreamed about words, placing them side by side, moving them from line to line, pronouncing them out loud, slowly, feeling every syllable, and then shaping and reshaping it all, over and over again.

So when I realized I was locked out, it wasn't such a big deal. The school bus had gone and even the dusty cloud it left behind was mostly settled. There wasn't much I could do. I decided to begin a new poem, hoping I'd be able to memorize it and write it down later.

It wasn't for class, it was for him. I was attempting to articulate my feelings. They say love at such a young age is not real love, but I disagree. Honestly, the core of what I believe to be love now and what I believed back then, they aren't so different.

I fidgeted and shifted about on a nice sized boulder until I felt comfortable, and then I began. I wrote and wrote, without paper or pen, and the time passed without my notice. I had not seen or heard a single thing for hours when Dad's truck broke through the quiet, kicking up gravel on our lonely road.

I looked up to a sinking sun, every dirty shrub and cactus glowing, and felt the air beginning to cool. I'd written a poem.

Was it for him, or for me? I'm not really sure. Both, I think.

I don't know what happened to my white bikini, but the poem, it stayed with me.

I remember each and every word.

PDX

Chris + Irvington, 2010

I'm home!

HIGHLIGHTS FROM PORTLAND, OR:

Our arrival...
The side of the Portland Union Train Station sign that reads GO BY TRAIN. It looks fabulous when lit up at night.

Cartola's perfectly prepared cappuccinos, beautiful design, soothing music + free copy of The New York Times.

Helen Bernhard Bakery's crumb donut (cake, not raised) -- the best donut I've ever eaten.

Brunch at Blossoming Lotus. Beautiful kale! Delicious fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice in their Breakfast Greyhound.
Bonus: There was something about the name of the place that made us giggle each time we walked past the sign.

A leisurely afternoon-turned-evening with our friend Daniel. We visited Foster & Dobbs and stocked up on cheese, cured meats, craft beer, fantastic olives (Castelvetranos were our favorite) and the most wonderful salty date and almond crackers. We finished our evening with squares of dark chocolate + ginger.

I stumbled upon Knit Knot Studio while visiting the Pearl District and had a conversation with Elizabeth, the charming owner. She took one look at my favorite scarf and said Oh sweetie, I need to teach you how to create a nice edge for your scarves. She was also convinced that I must give up my bamboo needles and silly wrap around stitching method. I needed to move up to aluminum needles and continental style knitting (the-only-way-to-go in Poland). I know I know, it all seems a little harsh, but really, it wasn't. She loved sharing her wisdom and teaching and did so lovingly. If I lived in Portland I'd buy all of my yarn at Knit Knot, just so I could hang out with Elizabeth.

Strolling the streets of moss-covered Irvington. Moss in just about every shade of green covered just about every exposed surface. Petite purple flowers were popping up through the grass on every corner. The rain has served Portland well.

My last day...
I found it surprisingly satisfying to sit at the counter in Stumptown's downtown cafe. Cappuccino, book of poetry in hand, very loud bass-filled music filling the giant open space. Somehow this was very relaxing. I can't explain.

Irvington moss, 2010

Friday, February 5, 2010

In and around Seattle

Complete! February 4, 2010

Walking
from Capitol Hill to the downtown Seattle area every morning.

Eating
panettone (toasted lightly on the panini press) from Stella Caffe, balsamic strawberry ice cream from Molly Moon's, salt cod hash from Coastal Kitchen, demi-poulet froid mayonnaise from Café Presse.

Ferrying
to Bainbridge Island in the rain.

Drinking
a Mac n Jacks African Amber in The Harbour Public House. What a view!

Listening
to Elizabeth Gilbert's voice.

Knitting
and completing a two-yarn scarf (silk, mohair, merino, cashmere + tiny glass beads) and beginning an organic cotton washcloth.

Noticing
the early evening blue framed by the bedroom window.

Monday, February 1, 2010

I used to be somebody

The Bean Teepees & Me, 2008
Image: Courtesy of Knowledge Man

I used to be somebody
But now I am somebody else
I used to be somebody
But now I am somebody else
Who I'll be tomorrow
Is anybody's guess

These were the first lines sung by the main character in a movie I saw recently. I cannot stop singing them and this doesn't surprise me.

In short, I am the opposite of the person who had a childhood dream of becoming a _____ and then became that very _____. No, I'm what some might call a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type. I've been a lot of things. I'm never quite sure if I'll reach a certain stage where I will find my place in this world or if this is my place in the world.

When I was in graduate school I heard two stand-out pieces of advice that have been helpful to me when addressing this conundrum.

The first was Don't worry about finding your voice. You can't be anyone but yourself. I was assured that if I was true to myself my voice would come through loud and clear in my work.

The second Life's a lot longer than you think it's going to be. Followed by something about not needing to hurry or push too hard too fast, there being more than enough time to figure it all out.

Both of these philosophies were close to opposite of what I'd heard most of my life. I'd always heard that I should work hard to find my voice and that life was short.

I saw this new advice as Stop and listen, then go. This was something I could wrap my arms around. This suited me.

Still I can't help but wonder, what's next?

Are you who you always hoped you would become?

...and a fun little something else that Chris sent me

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Hello said the bowl.   
Come and visit me over at Vintage Simple.  
Yes, now.  
It will be fun.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

3 Simple Things

Chris + Salad* at Serpentine, 2010  
*Those beets are pickled and they are marvelously good!


I.    A  NOTE
Returning from a long weekend away and finding the following email in my inbox. 

Subject: my little fruit salad

hi dene,

i just thought of you as i sliced and diced one bosc pear, one gala apple, one banana, and squeezed an entire cara cara orange over the top... plain, simple, and delicious, and enough for two days for me, or one serving each for you and chris.

love you :)
mom


II.    A  CALL
Just recently, my father was quite determined to find a poem he recalled from his childhood.  He called me to see if I could help him figure it out.  I was pretty quick, but Dad found it first.  

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost 

III.    A  LONG  LUNCH  AND  A  BOOK
Tie between a long luxurious lunch with Chris (pictured above) and his reading an entire Annie Dillard book to me one day during a long weekend spent in Pescadero.   

Getting carded at Duarte's after ordering a Sierra Nevada almost made III. a 3-way tie, but I decided against it.

Share your 3?  

more here...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Mourning


There were nine doves on the wire.
As I neared I counted again.
Yes, nine.

One dove sat apart from the rest, but just slightly.
Was he waiting?
Had he lost her?

It was not for me to know.

After passing I looked back hopefully,
counting one last time,
and then once more.

Nine.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I prefer books as pleasures.

(one of my favorite spaces)
I've made a decision.  I am going to decrease the stack of books on my bedside table.

This stack of books has slowly grown into an extensive collection.  Although collecting was not my original intention, at first it seemed somewhat comforting, all of my interests resting right there beside my bed.  Unfortunately, the comfort of my ever-growing tower of books has mischievously morphed into pressure.  Now it seems all of my books are looking up at me and saying I don't want to be judgmental, but might someone else be interested in us?  Must we sit here patiently, collecting dust?  Read me or let me go!

It is often difficult to resist the temptation of a new book brought to my attention.  For me, the description of a new book is much like the scent of chocolate chip cookies baking.  I read the description and I want the book.  I don't want to wait.  Just as fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies are always the best.

To exacerbate the pressure (and guilt), many of these books are borrowed from the San Francisco Public Library system.  I know it is not right to hoard these books while other library card holders await their return and keeping up with renewing each book before it expires seems a frivolous use of time.  My books were becoming more of a chore than a pleasure.  I prefer books as pleasures.

My solution?  I will keep one book of fiction, one book of non-fiction, and one book of poetry at any one time.  That is it.  Everything else will be returned to the library or book shelf.  This way I will fulfill my desire for variety, but will not take things too far.  Hmmm...  Do I have to include cooking and knitting books in this plan?  Structure is not easy for me.

Why focus on such a topic?  I know, it must seem silly, or perhaps even indulgent.  Must I structure my reading?  Let me explain.

I've just begun Twyla Tharp's book about creativity and habit.  It is our simple habits that make up our days.  Those days pile up on top of one another and become our lives.  Decreasing the books on my bedside table is just one small strategy for clearing away some of my mental clutter.  The new space will allow me to focus more clearly on what is important.

How many books are on your bedside table?  Do you have any strategies for clearing mental clutter that you'd like to share?

Friday, January 15, 2010

January

January, 2010


Hearing:
The construction and traffic that's so much louder when I turn off the radiator. I think I'll turn the radiator back on...

Tasting:
The salted caramel pot de creme at Serpentine. I believe it is the best dessert I have ever tasted.

Smelling:
Citrus. Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice. I've been craving grapefruit, but today is not a market day, so I just stopped at a corner market and bought what they had. Texas Rio Star grapefruit. Unfortunately, not local...but they smelled so good as I was squeezing the juice.

Seeing:
A Man in North Beach. His name is Roy. He has some "issues" and often wanders the streets and pops in and out of cafes and shops shouting out his disgruntled thoughts. Sometimes it seems we have to conjure up all of our patience just to tolerate him. Today I saw him seated outside Victoria Pastry with a man who had the nicest way about him. They were having a real conversation and Roy was laughing. It brought a tear to my eye.

Touching:
The new yarn I bought to make my friend, Joen, a scarf. I want to knit a huge blanket with this yarn and sleep beneath it every night. Dreamy, but I've never attempted a knitting project so large. Maybe I'll just knit Joen's scarf and dream about the blanket.

More here.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Butterfly Catcher


I'm either very calm or very antsy.  Today I'm feeling antsy.  I am ready to move on.  I'd like to fast forward to spring, please.  The sun is shining in a way that feels more like spring than winter and my mind is drifting in the direction of spring green rolling hills and long lines of cotyledons dancing on mounded-up rows of dark damp soil.  Why not take an even longer leap straight to summer...and beaches, Sicilian beaches, and granitas.  Oh yes...

Okay, I must stop.  I have dishes to do, laundry to wash, and a trip to the library that is due.  But it was nice to wander for a while.

I was recently told to ...stop posting pictures of all the beautiful scarves that you're knitting and keeping for yourself!  You're such a tease!  So this one is for you.  I just added it to my Etsy shop.  All set.

This scarf is very light weight (it reminds me of a butterfly catching net) and I see it as much more of an accessory than a keep-me-warm scarf.  Warm and cuddly is nice, but I needed a change of pace.  I photographed it with a simple white t-shirt and as you can see, they make a great pair.

It could be worn as a spring scarf, or perhaps a summer accessory.  You could even wear it during the winter, beneath your winter coat and keep-me-warm scarf.  Why not?  Think of it as a way to brighten things up on a dull grey winter day.

So, as promised, this one's for you...but I think I'm going to return to the yarn shop this afternoon and see if they have another skein of this yarn because I want one for myself too.  I hope you don't mind.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Helen


September, 2009

She was practical.
To avoid passersby,
her bed was situated in the center of her apartment.

It did not solve the problem, but it did help.
The further from the walls the better,
especially when longing for sleep.

She would often wake, limbs stiffened,
body and blanket precisely where they had been
when she'd tucked in
the night before.

Stillness did not mean sleep.

I knew none of this,
back then,
when she first sat down in front of me
and smiled.

I did not know her name,
old like her soul.

My joy and my discomfort,
she felt them. There were no observations,
but sensations. They pulsed through her body,
uninvited.

I rested my needles
and she worried about what would never be.
I nodded off
and she breathed a sigh of relief.

She held it all, for everyone,
like that spot in the river
swirling with debris.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Psst. Come over here.


Distillation by Alembic, 1910


Where?  The Alembic Bar.  They are located at 1725 Haight Street in San Francisco.  I've been curious about this place since reading an Edible SF article about them in early 2008.  Luckily, my friend Joen had a birthday that required celebration during the same month The Alembic Bar began serving lunch.

Although rumor has it this place fills to capacity each evening, it seems most people are unaware of their new lunch service.  We practically had the bar to ourselves.  This was a pleasant surprise after reading a few unpleasant comments on yelp such as ...A small blonde waitress approached us and announced, "We don't pack 'em in here. It's not our style.  Leave and we can call you if we have room for you later." and ...the bartenders were aloof, yet gracious enough to eventually pour our drinks. I've noticed a lot more establishments in SF adopting this idea they seem to think is fashionable that the customers should be treated like garbage.

We did not experience anything of the sort.  Lately, I tend to feel a little hesitant when a bar or restaurant has recently surged in popularity, produced a tasteful website, and eloquently described all that they have to offer their clientele.  I just don't like being disappointed.  I wasn't.  Our lunch was fabulous.

My beverage, well, I actually drank two, was one of the best drinks I've ever tasted.  It was called a Southern Exposure.  When it arrived at our table, I just had to stop and look at it for a while.  It was a beautiful deep yet muted green color and served in a darling little glass.  The Southern Exposure combines junipero gin, fresh mint, lime juice, a touch of sugar and a little shot of celery juice.  Exquisite.

For lunch I ordered the Slow Poached Egg and oh my, it was heavenly!  The most beautiful yolk I've ever seen and it tasted as good as it looked.  This pristine poached egg rested on top of a nice thick slice of toasted brioche, a layer of thinly shredded Brussels sprouts, a sprinkle of Parmesan, and just a hint of bacon marmalade.  Seriously spectacular.

So don't tell everyone you know, but do make your way over to The Alembic Bar for lunch before word gets out.  You understand, I'd still like to be able to find a table when I return for my Southern Exposure + Slow Poached Egg fix.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

King me.


Gosh, isn't this texture and pattern great?  My first attempt at a checkerboard-type pattern.  100% Baby Alpaca.  Knitting with this soft snuggly yarn was a treat.  Yes, I believe it was well worth the time, even though I have yet to eat breakfast...  I'm keeping this one for myself.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Shape of a Smile

Looking Down, 2009

The bite,
it captured him.
I know it’s the truth.

It wasn’t your lipstick,
but your deep bottomless blue.

You floated above
and rested on shoulders,
like fog.

You dove down beneath,
twisting their heels,
until you felt their pain.

And you stood outside
in the sleet
and the sorrow,
with bare arms.

Your teeth grit tightly--
in the shape
of a smile.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

the next-big-thing

Twirl, January 2006

Is it odd that during this festive shopping season, when so many search for or hope to receive the perfect new item, I find myself struggling to part with the old?  Isn't it the stereotypical husband who insists on keeping his favorite old sweatshirt and the stereotypical wife who twirls in front of the mirror in her new party dress?  What kind of wife am I anyway?  Sheesh.

I do like to buy or receive something bright and shiny every once in a while.  But more prominent in my life are the few things I already own and hold close to my heart--the things I cannot let go.  Don't get me wrong, I'm quite selective with what I decide is worth keeping.  The space we call home is petite, so what stays must be truly dear.  I'm not a pack rat. I don't have an attic filled with my entire past and although these would serve as completely acceptable items to treasure, I'm not talking about my great grandmother's exquisite wedding dress or the collection of fine china that has traveled continents and been passed down through generations.

No, I refer more to things that figure in to my day-to-day life.  Items such as an extraordinarily comfortable and well-worn (bordering on over-worn) pair of jeans, a cozy sweater that is slowly disintegrating, but still feels warm and beautiful, and my frazzled scarf that I know should be retired. When I wear these things I return to wonderful places in my life.

I bought the jeans right before we got married and wore them with a sexy black halter to meet family and friends for drinks at our favorite neighborhood bar a few days before our wedding.  The sweater?  It was folded up on a table in one of my favorite shops when I saw it, the yarn was a creamy white color.  The cuffs, fabric flanking the zipper, and the interior of the hood, were made of satin and were the same beautiful winter white -- completely impractical.  I tried it on anyway and then had to have it.  My best choices are rarely practical.  As it turns out, it wasn't that impractical.  It's now years later and I'm still wearing it, today as a matter of fact.  I'm not sure what others think when they see me wearing this sweater, but it feels so good against my skin and it's so easy for me to forget it's current state and slip back to feeling as if I just unfolded it and I'm in the shop seeing myself in the mirror, wearing it for the very first time.  The scarf?  Chris gave it to me, just a fun purchase from a chain store.  It is not cashmere.  It is not handmade by anyone near and dear.  It is very special to me.  It did keep me warm through the winter while walking to and from the worst job I ever had and it stayed with me through the cold and frustrating days and nights in my studio as I worked my way through graduate school.

I love these things. Fortunately, I do not to need to save them. I have replaced each and every piece.  Still, I just can't seem to part with them.

Perhaps this connects to a theory of my father's.  He believes there are vast differences between his meeting an individual for the first time as an adult and revisiting a relationship with someone he knew when they were both young.  He feels a certain comfort level and an ability to let his guard down in the revisiting scenario.  He doesn't have the same questions and concerns that he has when meeting someone new because he already has a solid platform from which to begin.  He doesn't need to know everything about the friend he is revisiting.  He believes yes, this person might have accumulated some baggage during their journey, but somehow it is all forgiven because he understands the true essence of this person. He feels he "gets" who they are because he knows who they were before any of these mishaps occurred.

I think I'm a bit more skeptical, or maybe just too curious.  I need to fill in more blanks than Dad deems necessary.  My jeans, sweater, and scarf have been with me all along.  They never ventured off and lived in other closets before coming back to me.  We've been together through thick and thin and we've held close together the entire time.  This might also explain the extent to which I value my marriage.  Chris, I hope you know you are a smidge more valuable than my favorite sweater.  We've built this life together, and a wonderful life it is.  That being said, Dad's theory remains a very interesting concept and I like that it works for him.  It's sort of romantic, isn't it? 

So what am I trying to say here?  As this year winds down and we look back at what is most important in our lives my guess is that the majority of those things, if not all of them, are NOT newly acquired.  Hold on tight to the good stuff.  Appreciate it.  Often the next-big-thing is something we already possess.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

She could be herself, by herself.

Painting by Vanessa Bell of her sister, Virginia Woolf.


For now she need not think about anybody. She could be herself, by herself. And that was what now she often felt the need of--to think; well, not even to think. To be silent; to be alone. All the being and the doing, expansive, glittering, vocal, evaporated; and one shrunk, with a sense of solemnity, to being oneself, a wedge-shaped core of darkness, something invisible to others. Although she continued to knit, and sat upright, it was thus that she felt herself; and this self having shed its attachments was free for the strangest adventures. When life sank down for a moment, the range of experience seemed limitless.
                                                                                     excerpt from Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Last Shipment



Just a quick shopkeeping note:  I'll be taking a short break.  The last shipment (just for a little while) for my Etsy shop orders (payment received) will be made this Saturday morning.  Any orders placed (payment received) between 9:00 am PST on December 12 and December 28 will be shipped on December 29.  If something in the Chez Danisse Shop is on your wish list and you'd like it shipped before December 29, scoot over there quickly.  Thank you.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

My salute to the satsuma.

The glorious satsuma.
I love it here, I love it there, I really love it everywhere.



I like them seen way down below.


I like one resting in a bowl.


Or with some pals in a Nijiya Market still life.
They are so sweet,
they are so nice.


Sometimes safely tucked inside a nook.

 
Or resting quietly, with a book.

The peel drops from the flesh,
and there's never a seed.

Eat one today and happy you'll be.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

in want of.

Sunday Morning - December 6, 2009

emptiness,
a space.
fenced,
without a gate.
built,
for protection.
a place,
to fill.
or just to keep open,
silent, and still.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I sleep all day and fish all night

Photograph by Indulis Ozers (Dad), 2009

As we drove away from the lake the words kept running through my mind, and it is there they remain.

I sleep all day and fish all night

Wisdom on the lake. Proof that it can be found in the most unlikely places. The key is being open to it. The art of observation.

The sun broke through the morning chill and warmed my skin. The air, still. The water, like glass. I was kayaking with my father when we saw him. A man standing alone at the end of a long pier. As we moved closer we noticed he was holding a fishing pole.

Any luck? my father asked casually.

The man answered so eagerly with his fully formed fish stories, I almost believed he'd been anticipating our arrival. He told tales of giant catfish and bass that he'd struggled to reel in, admired, and then returned to the lake. He stood tall as he told us I threw 'em back. They were too big to eat.

He was not a frivolous man. This was serious business. He respected his sport, the lake, the fish, and himself. He told us he was retired. They don't let ya camp overnight here, so I sleep all day and fish all night.

His best catch, a catfish he estimated at 20 lbs, was caught by moonlight at about 2:00 am.

Amazing...I thought. Amazing.

His life was fully functional and uniquely his own. He seemed a gentle, proud, and happy man.

There's more than one path to the Promised Land (or Lake)...

I admired his simple life, his focused goals, and his humble demeanor.

He made me think about my lifestyle, my goals, my demeanor. Were they uniquely my own? Did I need to refine things a bit, clear some clutter, polish up my list of priorities so I could see them--clean and clear? Most importantly, could I be completely open as I walk through this world?

Who knows how many options I've never even considered? I guess I'll never know the answer to that question, but I do know my opportunities are endless.


I sleep all day and and fish all night

Thursday, December 3, 2009

While you are in the neighborhood...

pinch pot, 2009 (1 of 3 (update, now 1 of 2) currently available in my etsy shop)



Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the wide variety of items available on Etsy? It happens. There is a lot of good stuff going on over there.

Fear not. The wise folks at Etsy have created a solution.

I'm fairly new to Etsy, but thanks to Tracy over at New Dominion Blues Studios I
just learned that Etsy creates gift guides.

Wait...it gets better. Tracy and I were both featured in Etsy's Gift Guide for the Home Chef.
They chose one of my little pinch pots. It's a lovely selection and I'm honored to have been included.
update--good news and bad news: 
It seems when my featured bowl sold I was replaced in the guide by another Etsy seller.  I'm glad the bowl sold so quickly, but it would have been fun to stay in the guide a little longer.

It is that gift giving time of year... Forget the malls, they haven't been fun since Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Pop on over and take a look at all of the wonderful handmade and vintage items available on Etsy. Wander through the array of Etsy Gift Guides and stop by and visit my shop while you are in the neighborhood. I've just added 3 new "ruffle bowls".

Have fun!


Monday, November 30, 2009

Now I unravel.


To begin again.
To devour monotony.

Back then I struggled --
needy, clumsy,
distracted.

Longing to be dependent.

He, in the hospital.
She, the instructor.

Stiff with worry.
The world draped heavily over my shoulders.

Resting in the repetition.

No variation,
ever.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Rotten Apples

My Corner, 2008

Them.
I wanted to smash them,
like rotten apples.

WHACK --
with a mallet.

Because I,
I was a ripe tangerine,
with a bright orange peel.

Unblemished.
Sweet.
Pure.

And they,
they reminded me of
mushy and mealy things.

Old,
like God.
They were all knowing.

It must have been wonderful
to embody such wisdom.

Like Maman,
Louise’s giant spider.

But I didn’t care,
I doubted them.

And like a nasty little crab,
backed quietly into my corner.

It Was a Very Good Year

Outside the Morning Glory Cottage, November 2009


Looking back... It was a very good year.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Cotton Candy & Thundercloud

Cotton Candy, 2009

Thundercloud, 2009


A couple new shop items... That's all. Enjoy your evening.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Unfinished

Unfinished, 2009

Truth be told, I've been feeling a little sorry for myself this morning.

It seems so much is unfinished and I'm craving completion. I have so many projects that are in-the-works.

For instance, I finished the scarf above yesterday evening. Well, I thought I'd finished it. It's not finished. You see, I have this trait. I like doing things my own way and that often includes not following instructions and reinventing the wheel. This rebelliousness takes time, but it makes me happy, or so I thought.

It all began quite some time ago, it's been so long I'm not really sure how long, exactly. Chris really wanted a striped scarf and I decided I'd attempt it without seeking any true knitting advice. I could figure this out on my own. Right? Sort of.

First, I knit three stripes (very thin yarn, very slim needles) the same length, but they weren't. Maybe it was the shift in yarn, some cotton and some a blend. So I unraveled, bound off again, and blocked. All set, but not. I looked up some means of attaching knit pieces and didn't really feel a bond with any of them, so I created my own method. I stitched my stripes together and somewhere along the line they became uneven again.

Anyway...the story goes on like this for a while. I saw it as a learning experience. I felt myself expanding (in a good way).

Yesterday, just before midnight, I proudly completed (but not) the scarf. Chris tried it on this morning and it's not right. It's too short. I might add a large block of a solid color to the end (pale green? orange?), sort of Mondrianesque.

It just might end up being really cool (please), but I thought it was complete...sigh.

I was sad and it wasn't just the scarf. You see, there is construction in front of AND beside my apartment and it is extraordinarily loud, seriously, it's so loud. My local library is closed for renovation. Chris is working so many hours. ...and I'm really sick of having cigarette smoke blown in my face on the street!

So, needless to say, I was really going down, down in a depressed poet sort of way. Then I saw some nice light filtering in through my bay window (I love good light) and I found this gentleman's sweet blog and his link to this dancing that looks like so much fun.

I smiled.

As I watched the video clip I started dancing a little bit, with myself, on my couch, in the sun.

Then I finished this post.

Life isn't so bad.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Christopher

Christopher in Waitsfield, Vermont
Summer 2006


Curious and warm.
Growing uninhibitedly,
as a seed emerges from the earth.
Smiling at the sun.

Friday, November 13, 2009

On Perfectly Buttered Toast and other things

book, window, and wine glass of water, 2009

I've been away. I've taken a solo trip to the country to regroup, refuel, recharge, and all other such res. An early birthday gift to myself (along with A Platter of Figs and other recipes by David Tanis). No telephone, no computer, no one, but me.

written earlier...

It's about 9 o'clock in the morning. I'm looking out the large paned window which takes up most of the east wall of my petite one-room cottage. The sky is white and the sun is shining. I see a small dark bird with a white belly perched upon the old white fence that protects the sheep while they graze. Although it is November, the grass is bright green and wet with dew. The West Marin landscape drinks in the rain after a long dry summer and makes autumn look like spring.

I'm nestled in with a generous slice of sweet sticky Morning Bun Coffee Cake from Bovine Bakery. When I entered the bakery, just about 15 minutes ago, I was convinced my drive into town had been a waste of time. I saw just about everything but my favorite coffee cake inside the glass case. My heart sunk. I wasn't feeling hopeful at all when I hesitantly asked ...any chance you have Morning Bun Coffee Cake back there? The owner replied with It's just come out of the oven. We're about to slice it. Music to my ears.

This slice is so large it requires a sturdy fork and knife. As I savor my first bite, sip my tea, and read David's seemingly effortless guidelines for preparing Lobster Risotto I have to pause for a moment, a long moment, and take in the utter beauty of it all. Nothing going on here is expensive or at all difficult to arrange, yet it's exquisite. It's worth planning this sort of solo time, what I've been calling my retreat. It is this uninterrupted time alone that offers me the time and space to reflect on my life and appreciate others. Which brings me back to yesterday, my first morning alone.

It was a quiet day. I watched a little black sheep nibble on grasses beneath the apple trees. KWMR hummed in the background. As I wrapped yarn around my needles to and fro, knit, purl, knit, purl, I heard Reading to John announced. Reading to John is a radio show. Neshama Franklin read to her husband John for many years before he died and now she reads to her radio audience. Such a beautiful idea, yet also so sad. An experience once shared with a loved one is now read into a microphone from The Creamery Building in downtown Point Reyes Station. Where it goes nobody knows.

I love the indulgence of having a book read to me or having someone serve me a simple meal. Why do these things feel so indulgent? Perhaps it is because I'm an adult and such offerings are typically reserved for children. John was lucky. I'm lucky.

No one can prepare perfectly buttered slices of toast like my mother. I have bitten into many fine slices of buttered toast, but Mom's, it has some indescribable quality that cannot be duplicated. I believe this is the type of feeling we all long to conjure up again, those good ol' days when we were fragile and small, served nice slices of toast, and loved unconditionally.

Chris has prepared elaborate meals for me and surprised me with interesting new ingredients, but it's those little things (those things along the lines of buttered toast) that really make me happy. There's nothing that makes me love a man more than his placing a cutting board decorated with apple and cheese slices in front of me while I'm reading a nice book on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Oh, yes. That's what I'm talking about.

Reading a book to me works well too. I recall lounging in a little cottage on Block Island, watching the sun set, as Chris read from Michael Ondaatje's Divisadero. I also have some beautiful memories of listening to Chris read John Steinbeck's Travels with Charley to me while we camped in Yosemite. There were moments in the sun, sprawled out on mats beside our tent, late nights inside our tent when Chris read with a headlamp, and one day that is so clear in my memory, Chris reading as we both relaxed and dangled our feet from a bridge near Glen Aulin Falls. The light was so beautiful that day.

Why were these moments so special? Is it because I'm in love, because Chris is such a great guy, or is it because these moments take me back to the comfortable feeling of being a child--fine toast, bedtime stories...

It was a warm summer night. Our exhausted voices pleaded One more story, Mom! Just one more! One more! Please... Mom looked down at us, dressed in our cotton nighties and tucked beneath our cool sheets as she, tired from a day filled with two rambunctious little girls, gave in and said Okay...

Once upon a time there was a butterfly.
The butterfly flew away.
The end.


morning bun coffee cake, 2009