The Bean Teepees & Me, 2008
Image: Courtesy of Knowledge Man
I used to be somebody
But now I am somebody else
I used to be somebody
But now I am somebody else
Who I'll be tomorrow
Is anybody's guess
These were the first lines sung by the main character in a movie I saw recently. I cannot stop singing them and this doesn't surprise me.
In short, I am the opposite of the person who had a childhood dream of becoming a _____ and then became that very _____. No, I'm what some might call a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type. I've been a lot of things. I'm never quite sure if I'll reach a certain stage where I will find my place in this world or if this is my place in the world.
When I was in graduate school I heard two stand-out pieces of advice that have been helpful to me when addressing this conundrum.
The first was Don't worry about finding your voice. You can't be anyone but yourself. I was assured that if I was true to myself my voice would come through loud and clear in my work.
The second Life's a lot longer than you think it's going to be. Followed by something about not needing to hurry or push too hard too fast, there being more than enough time to figure it all out.
Both of these philosophies were close to opposite of what I'd heard most of my life. I'd always heard that I should work hard to find my voice and that life was short.
I saw this new advice as Stop and listen, then go. This was something I could wrap my arms around. This suited me.
Still I can't help but wonder, what's next?
Are you who you always hoped you would become?
...and a fun little something else that Chris sent me
interesting question. I love Jeff Bridges. I think that with some people, they can feel like they have lived a couple of different lives over the years. If you have not become who you hoped to become, it's not too late, then after that you can become someone else too.
ReplyDeleteurban craft, Your last sentence is perfection. So true!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, again beautiful writing.
ReplyDeleteI think I have never thought too much of the future, perhaps I am not a dreamer. So wherever I end up it just feels like it is where I am suppose to be.
My oh my... at the moment, no, I'm not, and it's something I think about daily. The job I'm doing is all right and some people dream of doing it, but I never did... quite the opposite, in fact. I don't mind it but I don't love it either and when I introduce myself I always end up saying that "it's only by accident, only temporary". You know. I'm somehow hoping for destiny to come and pick me up but I have the nagging sensation that it won't... so where do I go from here if I have to chosse for myself? I always liked doing things by accident, but now i'm slightly frightened that I'll be stuck here...
ReplyDeleteThis post is wonderful - totally sums up what I am going through in my life right now. Used to be someone, now I'm someone else.
ReplyDeletei'm not really sure how i got here..well, i know the how but not the 'how'...i never planned to be where i am at this stage of life but, as always i'm trying to bloom where i got planted. as lennon said, life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful piece of writing, Denise. I suppose I never really had a plan. I just did what I loved as hard as I could and hoped a pattern, a life, would emerge. The first sage piece of advice really resonated - you truly can't be anyone but yourself, no one is better at being you than you. Thank you for your very touching message on my blog. You inspire me.
ReplyDeleteI'm always chasing after the me that I've always hoped to be.
ReplyDeleteIn many ways I am now the person I was afraid I'd be and the really strange bit is that I quite like it.
ReplyDeleteI like the advice that life is longer than you think, I find that very reassuring at a time when I feel like things are running too fast.
Well said! I think it's good to be a lot of things. When I read the obituaries of the old-time big movie stars, they were everything. And people are so full of goals nowadays, which is fine, but you have to leave time for things to evolve.
ReplyDeleteInteresting point you bring up. See for me, I feel like it's the opposite. I thought I really knew what I wanted to be and I chased it and achieved it, probably too easily. And then I got there and I was bored and realized it wasn't really what I wanted in life. So now I'm backing away and finding happiness in other places.
ReplyDeleteI really think it's a journey for everyone, no matter where you think you wanted to be when you started.
You know, my son's Kindergarten teacher, this wonderful, wonderful 68-year-old woman, has a bumper sticker on her car that reads: "The truly educated never graduate." And I hate to simplify this to a one-liner, but... Isn't that what life is? You constantly evolve and change and re-assess... otherwise, how do you continue to grow?
ReplyDeleteI guess part of the issue here is whether you are at peace with the more organic (as opposed to linear) trajectory your life has taken... Sigh. This is huge. I may have to come back to it.
In the meantime: I love that photo of you. Love it.
xoxo,
-maria
My, that's a big question. It's something I reflect on quite a bit ... though sometimes have to actively not obsess about. Five+ years ago I finished grad school with such certainty that I was, at long last, going to begin living the life I always wanted. And then there was this beautiful and sort of tragic waking-up process; realizing my career left me wanting so much more. And so it evolves for me, this exploration of who I'll become--some days fascinating, some days completely frustrating. :-) Thanks for this post, Denise.
ReplyDeleteah yes... longer and shorter than you think... and i totally agree about the voice....
ReplyDeletei think i am and am not what i thought i would be - but i'm happy to be where i am!
i am not sure how i ended up, not being where i dreamed of being. but i dang well, plan on changing it. i deserve to at least try.
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Great post. The music from Crazy Heart was so good.
ReplyDeleteYour words always leave me pondering and I definitely can relate to the realization that things happen differently, but that isn't such a bad thing I've found!
ReplyDeletep.s. When do you visit Seattle?
I am definitely not who I thought I would be .... but then again I am a work in progress :)
ReplyDeleteI like to think that we are all in the processing of becoming, or unfolding. I also think we can have several lives in a lifetime.I used to fret, (and still do on occasion) about the passing of time, or how fast I want something to happen....it's good to remember that there's a rhythm to everything.
ReplyDeletetimely post, sparking a good thread!
hey, these are some really nice things to think about, especially at the start of a new year. when i think about who i wanted to be as a child or even in my 20's, and who i am now, it's very different, but i am happy with it (at least today). i feel more comfortable being the real "me" than i ever have. doesn't mean i don't have self doubt though, because i often do, it's only natural i think :)
ReplyDeletegreat post - taking the time to find your voice, and knowing that your 'voice' can and will change is so important! Love Crazy Heart!
ReplyDeleteRebekah, Great perspective. Perhaps I have something to learn. What a relief it would be to not constantly be pondering every single thing in life...
ReplyDeleteAnja, Well, if the accidents feel nice, continue. Enjoy them. If you begin to feel stuck, I'm sure you'll wiggle your way out. I'm not quite sure how I feel about destiny. A predetermined course removes pressure, but it also removes any sense of control. Hmmm...
Erin, Being someone else is often a good thing. We are either evolving or stagnating, right?
Char, So true. I guess it's good to look up from plan making every so often and see life in action.
Debora, Doing what you've loved as hard as you could seem like a pretty good path to me!
Tracy, Me too...
Rachel, Bravo! I know I like the "you" I see on Rachel Eats. I'll never forget hearing that bit about life being longer. It still cracks me up. I love hearing things that throw me a little bit and shift my perspective.
Mise, You are a wise one. Always so level-headed. I'm a big believer in leaving time for things to evolve.
Beth, Agreed, it is a journey. Finding happiness in other places is still happiness. It works.
Maria, Great bumper sticker. I don't see any other way, we must continue to grow and evolve. My life seemed to progress in a very linear fashion for a while (high school, university, big city career), but then it got real organic and continues to be so. I don't think I'd change a thing.
Jessica, You really summed it up well. I am pretty happy with life on most days, but this "who am I" contemplation, it is exactly as you say, some days fascinating, some days completely frustrating.
Lisa, Yes, longer-shorter, am-am not. Yes, exactly.
Christina, You sure do deserve it! Go!
The Southern Hostess, Yes, I did enjoy the soundtrack. I had no idea Jeff Bridges was a musician.
Alexandria, No, it's not such a bad thing. I'm in Seattle RIGHT NOW, but leaving within the hour. I should return from time to time. Maybe coffee next time I'm in town?
Raina, I like that. I think we are all works in progress.
Nancy, Yes, there is a rhythm and I guess we all do have several lives in one lifetime. And on it goes... I'm really enjoying this thread too!
Jill, You have a really healthy perspective on this topic. Being comfortable in your own skin makes life so much more pleasant.
Elsa May, Yes yes, so true, taking time and being comfortable with change. I did enjoy Crazy Heart. It's a film that has me thinking about so many things.
First of all, thank you for your comment. I'm new to this whole blog thing, and you were a firefly in the dark!
ReplyDeleteSecond, what fantastic advice you were given. And how nice of you to share. I'm certainly more like you, letting the path go wherever feels right. This is exciting and daunting for me as I'm about to graduate college and travel. Where to? We'll see!
Tumbleweed Woman, Welcome. You have a lovely blog and I enjoyed my visit. What an exciting time in your life. You are going to have so much fun. Good things to come!
ReplyDeleteLove this post, so true - all of it. I also like the photo, the angle and pose and intrigued you have bean teepees, something I want to do here with the children that come to garden.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I like your "voice" your writing style
ReplyDeleteMaria, Thank you. My husband and I had such fun with the bean teepees. I am sure children would have a blast with the process, especially if you create teepees large enough (and with a door/opening) for them to sit inside. Our scarlet runner beans had the most lush vines...but that was our soil, compost, and northern CA. Other beans might be better for your NC neck of the woods. Let me know if you give it a go.
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to see that every comment by every talented woman on this post wrote exquistely! The post was excellently written and the posts are just as perfect!
ReplyDeleteKim, I so agree. The individuals who comment here are pretty interesting and special people. Thank you for joining the conversation.
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