Maybe I Was Too Close, February 2010February 18, 2010
This just isn't working for me. I'm making some changes.
Jimo
A smile.
A nod.
Today a wave.
I know you, he says.
From the corner.
You don’t,
But I won’t
Tell.
I'll smile and agree,
Like a politician.
You remind me of him.
And for you,
The truth will bend.
intriguing
ReplyDeleteFirst thing that came to mind when I read this post: Just like a stumble you hope no one has seen. But everyone's seen it and they're not thinking about your stumble, but the time it happened to them.
ReplyDeleteLovely.
ReplyDeleteYou have inspired me to post some of my writing. Even though the thought just made me nervous :)
Just know, I find you brave.
Forgive me, but this just wasn't sitting well with me. I made some changes. New title and a couple deletions.
ReplyDeleteChar, Thank you for reading and observing thoughtfully.
Tracy, I know exactly what you are talking about. Thank you for spending some time here and contemplating these words.
Elizabeth, Thank you. Nervous is okay. Take your time. Have fun.
I love that you edited live for us, in a way. I find that to be incredibly honest and generous.
ReplyDeleteI like the changes. How interesting that the line you took out was the reason for the title... And so you changed the title. The poem reads entirely different to me without that line. It's a lot lighter and flirty to me... but I'm never sure about these things.
I had to Google Jimo, because I've never heard of such a name - if that's what it is. I came up with this (although this is JIMO):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jupiter_Icy_Moons_Orbiter
That's all. Not that it means anything, but I'm always curious about titles... :)
xoxo,
-maria
I like the changes! I love that a few well thought out and placed words can make you feel and imagine so much. Your poetry is so lovely :) ps: yes I went to TED 2010 - 'twas mind-blowing!
ReplyDeleteI too enjoyed seeing the process you used for your words. I like this.
ReplyDeleteI have read it three times. I like this poem.. and the changes are good.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you being brave! Me too, someday :) You were one of the handful that inspired me to be brave and write the Cole Fire.
it's really intriguing that you allowed us into your process this way. i always wonder how poets edit... :)
ReplyDeletei love the last line. bending truth....
i love the photo and the poems too.
ReplyDeletehappy weekend!
tee hee, I kind of liked the first version....something about the word 'gumball' - I just love it. Trust me when I say it's a long childhood story; that said, creating is a process. I will photograph the same thing over and over again agonizing over every angle; other times the first click is the right one.
ReplyDeleteHappy weekend my friend. BTW, I did enjoy the photo that goes with the post :)
so courageous. so inspiring. so lovely as always. - melissa
ReplyDeletemmm... i love your writing.
ReplyDeleteMaria, I'm always curious about titles too. As you now know, the Jimo above is a man's name. I think your Jupiter_Icy_Moons_Orbiter is far more intriguing!
ReplyDeleteElsa May, Still blown away by your attending TED 2010. I'm sure you are overflowing with inspiration.
Alexandria, Thank you. This was just a final edit. If I showed you my full process, beginning to end, you might not be as pleased : )
Sarah, I'm honored. The Cole Fire was wonderful--so moving.
Lisa, Just a couple last minute thoughts...
Jill, Thanks.
Raina, I know what you mean because I loved the word gumball too. I was afraid I loved it too much. I especially loved the gumball getting stuck in the garden hose, but I tried to think of the whole poem and not fall in love with the line. This can be quite difficult. I have the same "creating" experience that you do with my photographs and my writing. You just saw a last minute edit. Sometimes what I end up with doesn't even resemble my original idea.
Melissa, Thank you.
Christina, You are so kind...