single frame, 2011I’d been putting off the task for too long, so I dumped the pile onto my sofa and began to sift. There were several months of receipts, notes to myself, grocery lists, baggage claim checks, and ticket stubs. I felt my life passing before my eyes, and it was moving too quickly. We live inside a moving picture and rarely see the single frames, the stills. I had to stop. And then I had to cry, but just for a little bit. It is beautiful, this life. It is difficult to look back on it all and realize that even if it were possible to be completely present in each and every moment, there would be no way to hold on to it all. So much had been accumulated in just a few months. Too much, and all of the years before, and it just keeps growing. I wouldn’t want it any other way, but where will I keep it all? I started feeling sentimental about train tickets and lists on small pieces of torn paper. They are my triggers, they take me back in time.
As I read Just Kids and accompanied Patti Smith on her walk through the last forty or so years of her life I knew I was being moved in ways not yet clear to me. This must be part one.
In all the world one may always hope to recapture something lost. But sometimes we are obliged to set the memory of certain things in a dresser of small regrets. Yet occasionally we discover in the folds of an old handkerchief a shell or insignificant stone that had once embodied our happiest of afternoons.
-Patti Smith Just Kids
Thanks, Shae.
I have goosebumps on my arms after reading your words. You have my thinking about so much in a good way. Thank you, Denise.
ReplyDeletep.s. That is the most wonderful quote.
i feel just the way you do about just kids. i think it's going to stay with me a long time. also, i love your writing here. thank you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not at all surprised that two of my favorite book gals show up here first.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexandria. I love that quote too. She writes beautifully.
Thanks, Shari. I think we are both pretty lucky to have learned more about Patti Smith.
gosh, i loved "just kids". there was something so effortless about her writing and how the narrative just pulled me forward. i just couldn't put it down. sigh.
ReplyDeletei love how you write about not being able to savor every moment no matter how we try. so true.
Especially after a trip, the ephemera can tug at the heart...
ReplyDeleteJust finished "just Kids" too, So I hear ya...
I was scrolling through Facebook updates in a distracted way and something in me lit up when I saw your post. I don't always come over right away but this time something said, go.
ReplyDeleteI just had one of those sit down and cry moments, too -- just a bit, just enough. It will never fit into the words or be held on a page, you know? Sometimes I feel like I want to eat the world whole, chomp right down on it, so I can have all of it at once. But of course then I miss most of the important things and I just feel bloated. Not the way.
Cry. Sit. Breathe. Sift. Start with something small.
Thank you, Denise.
It is too much, but then other times, I worry that in the end it will be too short - one human life- to do everything wonderful that the world has to offer.
ReplyDeletethose triggers, there for the taking. i must thank you for reminding me that them triggers are alive, if we want them to.
ReplyDeletewill have to look into the tip about patty...
I too had goosebumps and tears in eyes knowing exactly what you mean. In the kitchen there's a drawer full of receipts, postcards, cinema tickets, leaflets for art exhibitions and I know I simply can't keep it all. I know it's impossible but I'd love to just able to stop for a moment to think about what it all means. Strange too to think that many parts of a person's life could be explained with a pile of papers. What a wonderful quote; I have to read that book this year.
ReplyDeletei love your writing. thank you, Denise! love just kids too. i couldn't put it down. warm hugs to you
ReplyDeleteI really need to read 'Just Kids'. I was at the bookstore - the big one off of New Montgomery actually - and I picked 'Day of Honey' instead (which is AMAZING by the way)...
ReplyDeletethat is beautiful and how you related back to the quote, perfection.
ReplyDeletewonderful write
Thank you for this post. I've been doing a bit of sifting myself lately. Somehow revisiting mundane souvenirs of life helps to ground me a little.
ReplyDeleteI need to read that book, too. I've been meaning to for a while.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is beautifully fluent and thought provoking x
ReplyDeleteThe best way for me to hang onto a moment is to be aware, close my eyes, take a deep breath and simply soak it up. I know life is racing, but sometimes this helps to slow it down. And appreciate that special moment.
ReplyDeleteTriggers... What a perfect description.
ReplyDeleteMarvelously beautiful - your words, and the quotation.
ReplyDeletei just went through a lot of boxes full of those things and felt the same, but could never put it the way you did.
ReplyDeletethank you for your comment yesterday! looks like E is going to be just as good as new...
Sometimes I find a rock in a drawer, or a few petals slip out of a book I haven't opened in years. I look at these things that once represented something so special and dear, but for the life of me I can't remember what I was trying to remember!
ReplyDeleteThis hot me straight into the heart...
ReplyDeleteBoth you lines and the quote.
I too get sentimental about train tickets and lists on small pieces of torn paper. Like you said they rigger memories and are like a time machine to smells, sounds and emotions you thought you had forgotten.
...but I have had to work hard with this. Because I have saved and collected so many small seniments over the years. Meeting mr. Yonder who is the "throwing what you don't use and tidying up" kind of guy has made me learn to not attach to too many things. Too many things might trigger past memories but they also inhibit experiencing the new...
I still have some...just not as many.
Thank you for all of your thoughtful comments. I made it through the pile, possibly saving too much, but oh well. Saving these little bits is not such a bad vice, right?
ReplyDeletethe thought of where all those moments go overwhelm me at times - memories tucked away in drawers and notebooks - finding you when you least expect it...
ReplyDeleteyes, this life is beautiful, and you'll find those piles only increasing as time rolls along. the accumulation can really mount---sometimes I find pieces from long ago--it's a life I hardly recognize.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful truth.
ReplyDeletehow can you put words so well on what I feel ?!
ReplyDelete