Path to the Beach, 2016
There's a lot going on in this world, much of it negative. 2016 is far from a lull in life-changing events, and it is difficult not to consider all of the larger implications of these events.
From a more local perspective, I'm reading Joan Didion's book, Where I Was From, and she's tracing California's history. The tracing is absolutely interesting, but not at all uplifting, and has me thinking about this state's future.
And then there is day-to-day life. Just the regular stuff. The sun rising. Drinking coffee. Laundry. Trying to incorporate learning about an armed robbery in my neighborhood, the neighborhood I thought was safe, and walking down the street more cautiously. Remembering to buy dental floss. Thinking about what we will eat for dinner. The sun setting.
Of course, there is also the filler, silly sort of stuff. It's life too.
Robert, a barista in my local cafe, asks me, How's it going?
I reply, Good.
He somehow hears, Frickin' good.
So he looks at me inquisitively, What did you say?
I said good.
To make a long story short, he laughs and tells me he was a little shocked because he thought I'd said, frickin' good, and it was so out of character. I smile and my cheeks start feeling hot, and probably taking on a pinkish glow, as they do when I'm embarrassed. He tells me I'm usually...then he motions downward with a flat right hand. I assume this means low-key.
How do you know something really fabulous didn't just happen to me?
He smiles, True.
I sit down with my coffee and think, Do I want to be the type of person who says frickin' good? Would that person live more lightly in this chaotic world? Would she have more fun? Is frickin' good a part of me that's hibernating? I think it might be. It clearly came out more often when I was drinking, but I don't want to sink back into that hole.
I'll just let it be. This part of me will climb up and out when it is ready, or it won't. I can wait. I think I can wait.
I might as well return to Didion's California. And I do.
Didion's first piece in Slouching Toward Bethlehem was such an accurate description of my childhood enviroment in So. Cal. that itt creeped me out. Maybe if I read Where I Was From I'll decide to REALLY stop thinking about moving back.
ReplyDeleteWith all its faults, it's still my favorite place.
DeleteThat's one of things I go back to, especially at times that feel tumultous and "big-changes" type. Regular life goes on for many, many people around the world (whatever regular means).
ReplyDeleteI suppose we all have our own version of regular life, and sometimes it seems taken for granted, almost invisible, yet it makes up most of this thing we call life.
DeleteOh I loved going along with you in this--so beautiful written, so thoughtful.
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
DeleteI laughed when I read your account of the misunderstanding and then set to thinking myself: do I also want to be that person? I can be quite sweary under pressure and/or in private but I don't think that most of my acquaintances would expect that of me. I'd like to care less what people think of me so perhaps I will be a little more accommodating of my frickin' good side ;))
ReplyDeleteFrickin' excellent, Kate! ;) (Oh... That felt really weird.)
DeleteHaha, so connected with this! I can see someone summing me up as I am today with a flat hand held low. What can I say, I like my low-key living. It's frickin' good :)
ReplyDeleteI like that. Low-key is its own sort of frickin' good. :)
DeleteI am going to see the "Big Frickin' Giant" movie with my grandkids today. Despite the sour review I just read online, I expect to frickin' enjoy myself. Because life's like that too.
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a great time. : )
DeleteThis is pretty funny! And for some reason makes me think of the manager at the vet clinic we use for the elk. Every time I call her and ask how she is before stating my business, she always says spectacular or fantastic. And finally I asked...is this just something you say or are you really spectacular every day? She said she is... For me, even if I had a fabulous day, I would never use such strong words. Low-key is perhaps an understatement!
ReplyDeleteWow. Spectacular every day. That's pretty amazing.
DeleteHa, I love this, now I can swear like a trooper when it's needed or even sometimes when it really isn't needed (just not in front of children or parents), but not even I would say that when ordering a coffee.
ReplyDelete