So writing is the method of using the word as bait: the word fishing for whatever is not word.  When this non-word--between the lines--takes the bait, something has been written.

from Água Viva by Clarice Lispector

Do things like this happen to you?

Gingham, 2013

Don't laugh.  I know their loft is comical, but I'm here seeking empathy.

Somehow I didn't imagine 3" would stand so tall.  I took my time in ordering these cushions, I was very detailed.  Purchasing a good quality product was my objective and these cushions are of excellent quality.  They just look a bit different than anticipated, more like beautiful layers for a large cake than kitchen chair cushions.

They are custom.  No returns.  So for now we'll just have to hunch a bit during meals and focus on the positive aspects of feeling elevated.

They should mellow out after a while, right?  I do love the red gingham, and my husband's legs still fit beneath the table as long as he doesn't move around too much.  Maybe they'll settle to 2 1/2" by this time next year.

Love

Something Red, 2012

Sending love to all of you. 

Enjoy today.

xx,
Denise

Inside an Hour

I closed Radial Symmetry, quieting Katherine's squid, her lime dust, and her tequila, and sharpened my pencil on the bottom of the table, hoping no one with white pants would cross their legs and rub against the marks I'd made.


And thought about some things.


Humiliation.  Well, I should be more specific.  Mild humiliation.  The type that humbles, but does not disgrace.  It is not futile, but clearly better when experienced in small doses.  An emotion that moves an invisible marker forward and helps one grow, in hopes of avoiding future encounters.


Can something taste like youth?  What do you think?  It tasted like youth.  Does it work?


But it was Rachael's comment that stayed with me.  The possibility of our memories wandering.  I imagined them traveling, visiting one mind after another, extending their stays with those they favored most, and returning to us like adult children visiting the first place they called home, their parents blinded by their new facets, focused on the comfort of their original form.


Rachael's Comment
Radial Symmetry by Katherine Larson

Moment

Is there anywhere to pull over?  I want to make a photograph., 2013

Imprints

Late February in Olema, 2012

Much of a truly gratifying experience rests in the remembering.  Possibly fifty percent.  Perhaps more.

These experiences, the best of them, cannot reach full potential before they are luxuriously looked back upon.  And the most special keep giving.  I return to them as I would a favorite painting in a museum.  I drink them in again and again.

Sometimes I notice myself in the moment, tracing every line of what I see, hear, and feel.  Drawing a picture I can return to later.

Nightmares are different.  I know I want to leave them behind and I ignore them in hopes of their evaporating, but they beg to be shared.  Sleepy and caught off guard, I often accommodate.  Sharing the grief upon waking does not help it dissipate, even if the sharing is only with myself.  Avoid any form of repetition.  It deepens the scar.

But these discomforting dreams, they are persistent.  I wake and they demand my attention.  They toss colorful pieces of themselves up into the air and taunt my curiosity.  Put me together.  Make sense of me.

A Slower Pace

Two, 2013

We step into unfamiliarity.  Fidget.  And then settle.

Dear Denise,

Yesterday evening I found myself unexpectedly sitting across from a photograph of my 10 or 11 year old self.  I wondered what she thought of me and then what I might tell her about moving forward and navigating her world.

Good olive oil and good salt.  They make most things better.  Also plain white t-shirts, well-fit jeans, and comfortable panties (I'm confused by the distaste some have for this word.  It doesn't bother me.)  Bras, socks, and shoes matter too, but you won't need a bra for a while.

These essentials should rest upon a safe home, self-confidence, and at least a small group of people who believe in you.  You have this already.  You are lucky.

You'll want to prioritize a good education and experiences that broaden your horizons.  If you stop and think about it you'll recognize both.

And money.  There should be enough to eat well, dress for the weather, and procure the education and experiences noted above, but not so much that managing it becomes too big of an experience in itself.

You'll have to care about some guys that aren't right for you, but it's okay, it's better than being closed off.  You will meet someone who makes your life better and inspires you to do the same for him.

You will be happy and it will annoy some people, but you'll be sad too.  You'll notice the juxtaposition of the two actually adds depth to your life.

Rise above it all every once in a while and look down.  It's good stuff.

Don't forget the olive oil.