Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Real California




I stumbled upon the real California.

Yes, I live in San Francisco, but it's different.  It is a great place, but it is not the California I dreamed of when I was in my teens, the California I hoped to make my home one day.

The discrepancy between San Francisco and my original vision of California is so vast, for years after moving to San Francisco it had me slipping up and telling people any trip I made to Southern California was a trip to California, as if I wasn't aware I already resided in the state.

The land of tiny pastel beach cottages standing shoulder to shoulder, so close, packed tight like tinned sardines, was what I originally imagined, and recently found.  I found the California where surfers ride their bicycles barefoot while toting their boards, low key neighborhood spots crank out spectacular fish tacos, and cramped little cafes with mismatched mugs serve buckwheat pancakes.  A place where you can walk beside the ocean for miles, even at night along a well-lit pedestrian path, no cars, the only wheels are on cruisers meandering past, locals resting their rumps on fat seats.

In the midst of family visits, gift giving, monopoly, and ginger pudding, I snuck off early one morning and took my cafĂ© au lait to the beach.  I headed toward the first lifeguard watch tower I spotted, climbed up the ladder, and sat on a shallow deck surrounding a small empty hut, wrapped my arms around my knees, and watched an array of wetsuit clad men of all shapes and sizes arrive, stretch, surf, and head home.

I became transfixed by the scene and decided to settle in for a while.  The sun was bright and sharp, but it was winter sun and there was a definite chill in the air.  I was scooting around the side of the hut, positioning myself so I could shield just my face from the sun while keeping my legs and feet beneath its warmth, when one of the wetsuit clad leaned his board against a leg of the tower beneath me and began to stretch.  I looked down.
 
He nodded and said "I'm mentally preparing to freeze."  
I responded with a grin and "I'll feel sorry for you when you surf Bolinas in December"
"Where's that?" he asked.
"Just north of San Francisco" I said.
"Oh…brrr…and sharks too" he said as he walked toward the waves, with his long curly sun streaked hair, appreciating his length of beach just a little more.

I wanted to be out there, duck diving, getting tossed around by the white water, and maybe even popping up a time or two.  The rush of adrenaline I'd experienced just one time before, I wanted it again.  I started pondering how good I might be if I'd started in my teens or 20s.  And why didn't I?  I have good balance.

Regret is useless unless you use it to move forward.  Both the waves and I are still here.  Mastery might be a little far fetched, but the rush, the one you feel with your entire being, I think it's still out there waiting for me.

38 comments:

  1. My 'real' California is the Central Coast. I was raised in So. Cal, but all the little beach towns along the Central Coast from San Luis Obispo to Monterey are like San Diego used to be in the fifties. It's Steinbeck country too and hasn't changed that much since Doc bore his cross of Mac and the Boys.
    Love the photos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like your 'real' California. Like San Diego in the 50s. Enticing. Oh, Doc. He was patient. I recently saw the 80s film version with Nick Nolte and Debra Winger. I think I'm ready for a road trip.

      Delete
  2. A new year to try new (or revisited) things, new locations? Stirring the adrenaline is rejuvenating. Do it if it calls to you. Any day is a good day to begin again.

    ReplyDelete
  3. this is so far away from were i am right now, distance and weather... but i did enjoy this reading-trip with you very much, listening to ice rain sitting next to the radiator...

    ReplyDelete
  4. that side of the West grabbed my heart forever on our road trip this summer. I will be back... for a visit, or maybe even to live. (P.s. I get sunset magazine sometimes, to live vicariously)

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is the California I dream of with those waves and beaches. Your words make me dream and also think of that scene in A Single Man where Colin Firth and his student go swimming one night and feel the full force of the ocean. How lovely to go there with you. The photos are magical.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I haven't seen A Single Man, Emily. I think I'll have to rent it in the near future.

      Delete
  6. Ah yes. It is a very real dream of mine to live by the ocean one day and learn how to surf, to fly and glide in the water.
    I'm afraid of California though and its overall pleasantness. I think right now I need a landscape to cut, shape, and sculpt me, even if it's painful. I'm afraid that I would just melt into California, or it'll melt into me. Someday though, I'll be ready for that warm embrace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This may seem a funny thing, Ann, but I do see similarities between Brooklyn and San Francisco. I'm very comfortable in Brooklyn.

      Delete
  7. I'm just incredibly honoured that anyone from Califonia ever comments on my blog. It is my most mythical unvisited place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you visit this mythical place you will find there are many Californias. I wonder which one you'll like best, Mise.

      Delete
  8. Thank you for such a beautifully written "Ode to California".

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lovely. I'd love to take some time to wander around the beach towns of So Cal. Thanks, Denise.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I LOVE how you just take us with you. For the same time it tok me to read your text I was in your California...mmm...thank you.

    However (and read this with a strict voice & raised right eyebrow): It's never to late to get on a board, and definately not too late if you still are slim and flexible enough to wrapp your arms around your knees (and still be omfortable).

    So jump in! ;-)

    In the meantime I will make myself a latte.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Really love those last couple of paragraphs, Denise. Thank you.

    Happy New Year, friend. xo

    ReplyDelete
  12. This call to action is what I've been feeling lately. A need to stop planning, waiting, stalling, regretting, treading, and to just plunge ahead. Action -- it's my word for 2013, Denise -- and with this post you nailed it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my gosh, only in my dreams girl! I look outside and see dirty snow that will soon be refreshed (maybe even tonight) by a fresh white coating...that also means our temps will drop to -12C or most likely, colder!! No beach here. I love the sound of that California you are writing about :) I have practically raised California to 'paradise' level in my brain and I always picture Californians as humans with the most coolitude in the world!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is someone in this state of coolitude wishing you much warmth today, Raina.

      Delete
  14. You are so gutsy to climb up the lifeguard tower. I'm not sure why I always thought I'd get in trouble for doing that!
    I also love your thoughts about using regret to move forward. Even if the steps are small!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I kind of thought I might get in trouble, Nicole, but there wasn't a single lifeguard in view, so I went for it...

      Delete
  15. While I loved my time in Marin I found the unpredictable fog and chill countered my idea of the California that you describe. Your photos remind me so much of this summer's long, wild beaches on the islands off the French Atlantic coast. I, too, yearned to be on a board deep out at sea but made do with the less elegant jump and crash of body boarding. Joyful though. Hope you get the chance to get out on the waves again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I LOVE body/boogie boarding, Kate. I laugh like crazy as I ride those waves and slide up onto the beach. So much fun! It's been too long. I must get to it, all the more interesting to get to it along the French Atlantic coast.

      Delete
  16. This post got in my dreams last night. I was staying in a room that opened up to the beach. Where exactly does one find the Real California in real life?

    ReplyDelete
  17. ah, the elusive "real" Californis--I caught glimpses of it too, long ago. wonderful images, wonderful writing.

    speaking from my partner Bill's experience in Costa Rica, who surfed for his first time at age 60, mastery, unlikely; but
    yes yes yes that rush is there, awaiting you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Do it, definitely. This is a beautifully written post, transporting me right there.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This is a beautiful, evocative, thought-provoking post. "Regret is useless unless you use it to move forward" - I'm writing that on a slip of paper and taping it to my wall where I shall see it every day. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I like my California. I think San Diego in the summer is one of the prettier, dreamier places. Everything is sort of sleepy but, in a sort of urgent way-- the energy and the sun and ooooh beach music and Sugar Ray oh gosh I love San Diego in the summer.

    I want to visit San Francisco in the summer!

    Jessica | Vixenelle

    ReplyDelete
  21. It's funny that I too, consider these pictures to be of the 'real California'...not funny that I agree but funny that this is the California I shrink away from. I'll take seasons and the rocky, violent shores of OR and WA any day.

    I second a few commenters...I can feel the yearning in the words so grab a board and try.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love them both, Rachel. I crave those rocky violent shores as well.

      Delete
  22. I feel like I was there on in the 'real' California with you - wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I've lived in the central valley of CA all my life but SOCAL was always the real CA. The kind that even I dreamed about. - And I definitely think you should try some surfing again. It really is like no other.

    xo
    cortnie

    ReplyDelete
  24. like a film rolling before my very eyes. i know nothing of surf and sea, but now i do all i wanna know. you've described this so vividly. thank you. i needed this. 'been scrolling backwards as i go lazily numb after an afternoon of surf of a different kind: wall plastering. i mean, yikes. but things gotta be done. perhaps one day this'll turn into aye fond memory.
    glad i came over this evening.
    cheers!
    n♥

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh, I love this post! You string words and thoughts together so beautifully ... I am there digging my toes in the sand, looking out through the salt haze.

    ReplyDelete