Wednesday, July 27, 2016

What Is Now

Endpapers, 2016

I was reading a book of poems written by a woman who decided to take up poetry at the age of 90, a book offering more illumination than I was prepared for this evening. Illumination of so many things.

What it might feel like to lose a spouse and miss that spouse, desperately. The experience of reading your own writing, many years after the words were written, and realizing that beautiful part of yourself is gone. The gratification of taking a stand on a small thing, but one that will change each remaining year of your lifedemanding no one buy you birthday gifts, at 90 years old. The relief felt. No more false gratitude required. The energy of those little lies, returned to you.

And just as she gets me thinking about my future, I turn the page to find an interview where she is quoted:

It is very constrictive and destructive to always be living beyond the moment; to be preparing.

So I lean forward, resting my right elbow on this book, my chin in my hand, and look at the wall for a while, appreciating what is now.

Poems from the Pond

12 comments:

  1. I so love this. And your blog. x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wonderful, thought-provoking post!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Physically exhausted from the last few weeks with a sore throat and even feeling grumpy about preparing for a holiday, I'm stopped in my tracks. Now I'm hearing football in the back garden, smell jasmine through the window as I type and reminding myself - yet again - to just stop. Thanks to you - and Peggy. Kate

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stopping to smell the jasmine. I like that. :)

      Delete
  4. "The energy of those little lies, returned to you."

    Yum.

    ReplyDelete
  5. this is wonderful, all of it.
    glad I was able to virtually come up for air and find this today. (been MIA since our move, hope to return to blogworld soon)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Nancy. I hope your downsizing has been successful and you are beginning to feel comfortable in your new space. xx

      Delete
  6. Beautiful. All of it. And though perhaps overwhelming to take in all at once. I've added it to the poetry list. Because how much do I love that this was written so late in life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a nice reminder that although we don't have control over many things in our lives, we do have control over some.

      Delete